by emptypockets
As Republican politicians continue to focus on immigration, with DHS Secretary Chertoff imposing new requirements for border crossing (although about 5 million of the country's 12 million illegal immigrants crossed the border legally and then simply overstayed their visas), and Governor Mike Huckabee reversing positions to appeal to extremist nativist groups, I began to wonder: if he weren't born here, could President Bush have become a U.S. citizen?
Just imagine his visa form:
Question 1: Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any offense or crime, even though subject of a pardon, amnesty or other similar legal action? Have you ever unlawfully distributed or sold a controlled substance (drug), or been a prostitute or procurer for prostitutes?
Let's see. Arrested twice in college, for stealing a Christmas wreath and for conduct at a football game.
Possibly arrested for cocaine.
We don't know if he was directly involved in hiring male prostitute Jeff Gannon/James Guckert to pose as a reporter and issuing him a White House press credential -- so let's skip that one.
Question 3: Do you seek to enter the United States to engage in export control violations, subversive or terrorist activities, or any other unlawful purpose? Are you a member or representative of a terrorist organization as currently designated by the U.S. Secretary of State? Have you ever participated in persecutions directed by the Nazi government of Germany; or have you ever participated in genocide?
Hm. Another tough one. Does unlawful purpose include ordering illegal wiretaps?
Does it count as a subversive activity if you intend to bypass anti-torture laws? Is it subversive to overthrow the Constitution and ignore Congress -- and to say so in dozens of signing statements like this one (chosen at random)?
Well, let's not get bogged down in details. Just one more question though: are 80,000 Iraqi civilian deaths a genocide?
Question 6: Have you ever been afflicted with a communicable disease of public health significance or a dangerous physical or mental disorder, or ever been a drug abuser or addict?
I'll take the last part first. Cocaine again.
As to "a dangerous... mental disorder" -- do you really have to ask?
While a YES answer does not automatically signify ineligibility for a visa, if you answered YES you may be required to personally appear before a consular officer.
If only Congress held him to the same standards!
And how would poor little immigrant George get by when clearly English is not his first language. Only man I've ever seen with NO first language.
Posted by: Dismayed | January 19, 2008 at 13:44
Quit whining, we all knew he was out of the country and we let him back in anyway. Next time, have the nets and the dogs ready. How hard can it be? He always crawls under the fence at the north east corner of Andrews AFB when he sneaks back in.
After consulting with the most accomplished linguists, it has been determined that Sir George II speaks Dumblish, a rare but living dialect of Moronish.
Posted by: geez53 | January 19, 2008 at 16:35
Don't you know when you demean your enemy and he still trounces you, you have in effect demeaned yourself.
Posted by: Jodi | January 20, 2008 at 18:05
LOL! Very amusing...
Posted by: Connecticut Man1 | January 21, 2008 at 00:40
Its really made me amuse. Is there any possibility to send him out of the country at least by now. But damage is already done...
[spam link removed -- e.p.]
Posted by: John | January 21, 2008 at 08:53
Excuse me Jodi Troll, lil' bush didn't trounce anyone but the lower income American tax payer. The Court trounced the voters.
Posted by: geez53 | January 21, 2008 at 15:03
Excellent point. Wonderful post.
Posted by: Katie Jensen | January 21, 2008 at 15:38
jodi-excellent defense of george w bush. i suppose his being considered as the worst president in u.s. history is also demeaning in your eyes? thank you for voting that guy into office twice. may the graveyards of america rejoice in your logic!
Posted by: Frank Bloch | January 22, 2008 at 13:17
"He always crawls under the fence at the north east corner of Andrews AFB when he sneaks back in." That comment made me laugh so hard...excellent!!!!
"
jodi-excellent defense of george w bush. i suppose his being considered as the worst president in u.s. history is also demeaning in your eyes? thank you for voting that guy into office twice. may the graveyards of america rejoice in your logic!" also excellent way of putting it. Thank God that he could not have one more term, can you imagine the devastation to this country?
Posted by: Alyx | January 22, 2008 at 19:09
Don't you know when you demean your enemy
Posted by: Jodi | January 20, 2008 at 18:05
Sad really, when your own President is readlly accepted as your enemy.
Posted by: Neil | January 23, 2008 at 10:33
: )
Well, no need for writers to come back to Comedy Central.
We have enough right here looking for gigs.
Posted by: Jodi | January 24, 2008 at 15:14
This is great, thanks! Related would be the question as to what percentage of Americans would actually be able to qualify for U.S. citizenship...
Posted by: Tom | January 26, 2008 at 19:34
Mccain looking for a black vagina for VP? The rumor mill has it that senator John Mccain is trying to appeal to the black and female voter. His demographics show him to be weak in this voting group. www.mccainalert.com
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