Today is the 36th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. Due to some combination of sweltering summer temperatures, anger at
constant raids and abuse by the authorities, and possibly Judy
Garland's death, gay men, lesbians, and transvestites began fighting
back against the local police. Rock-throwing and obscenities quickly
turned into a small-scale riot, and a legend was born.
Many will tell you that the Stonewall Riot was pretty meaningless in
the battle for gay rights. Organizations like Mattachine Society and
Daughters of Billitis had been quietly working for years on changing
minds and hearts (Del Lyon and Phyllis Martin, who helped found
Daughters of Billitis, were the first gay couple married in San
Francisco last February), and they played a big part in getting various
psychiatric organizations to take homosexuality off the books as mental
illness.
Stonewall was a symbolic victory. Something to look back on as a
life-changing, nation-shifting moment. Something that builds and builds
in the memory and can be referenced whether or not you were at the
event or know the full details of the event. Aside from a few
high-profile marches on Washington (and some people are trying to plan
another, which just seems like a waste of money to me), the gay
community's most symbolic moments have often happened by accident, by a
twist of fate and timing.
The assassination of Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone. The Supreme
Court overturning sodomy laws. Gavin Newsom marrying gay couples in San
Francisco.
Most of the flashpoints of the gay community, whether in our own mind
or the public mind, seem to be tragedy and horror. Matthew Shephard's
murder. Harvey Milk. AIDS. Shame. Guilt. Pain.
The gay community, as far as I'm concerned, will not progress until we
have true leaders. We have some people who do very hard work, but we
have no Martin Luther Kings or Gloria Steinems. I think part of this is
due to infighting, which stems from shame. From our first moments on
this planet we sense that homosexuality is something sick, perverse,
and dirty. The media leers at us. Major politicians plot our
destruction for partisan gain. Other politicians tolerate us, take our
money, pat us on the head, and then shove us off a cliff as soon as
they need a scapegoat for why they lost yet another election. There is
very little genuine acceptance. And that makes many of us turn against
each other. You have seemingly dozens of little classifications and
subcultures based on everything from age to how "butch" you are. It's
very hard to remember who the real enemy is when you feel so alienated
in your own community. And that class warfare, the idea that if you are
gay you should live in a big blue city or act a certain way or not
enjoy certain things or wear the right outfits or take certain party
drugs, is a big reason why gays are so unable to unite. So many of us
berate ourselves for not living up to the standards set not only by
straight society but even those in the gay community who always expect
more. We are unable to mobilize, to band together. We take any little
glimmer of support from straight people and we cower in fear at the
idea of ever stepping out of place. We allow people to blame us for
every ill in the world, all because we want to have equal rights, all
because we want to be equal to everyone else. We are supposed to be
walking laugh tracks. The rotten fruit of society. When we try to be
"normal", straight America lashes out, and we blame ourselves for ever
making the effort. It's a vicious cycle, as most recently evidenced in
the 2004 elections.
That's why Stonewall is so important. Many of the people at Stonewall
were living in shadows. They were considered outcasts and freaks even
by many in the gay community. But they were sick of being beaten, and
threatened, and spit on. They fought back because they had no choice.
They were tired of staying in their place.
Gays today have far more rights yet we are far more endangered of
losing those rights, because so many of us take them for granted. We
think that because we might be able to invite our partner to a company
picnic or because our relatives don't openly call us names or because
there are a few "gay" shows on TV, things have improved. That leads to
complacency. We just sit in our homes or in bars or clubs wanting to be
left alone with the few rights we have, even though those rights are
being whittled away one by one, until we are left with nothing but
judgment, persecution, and oblivion.
We don't need to show straight America lots of violence. We can't
expect to push and push on equal marriage rights and assume America
will go along. But Stonewall serves as a lesson that we need to stand
up for ourselves, and most of all, find ourselves worthy and important.
We need to stop waiting and waiting for the right words and the right
deeds to force America to love us when all of America will never love
us. Many straight Americans do support us, but we are so ready to
believe the media hype and the political spin that America hates gays
and is ashamed of gays. We do this because it's easier to play the
martyr and feel sorry for ourselves and say that gay rights are dead
and we're all heading to the death camps. That doesn't involve taking a
risk. That doesn't involve working with people we may have issues with.
That doesn't involve accepting ourselves, flaws and all.
Of all the Stonewall lessons, the key lesson is that local outcry can
become a global rallying cry. You don't have to join Human Rights
Campaign or give money to various pandering politicians to make a
difference in how America views the gay community. You have to join
organizations in your own city, your own state. You have to make new
friends and take risks and come out to people, if it is safe to do so.
You have to change minds and hearts one at a time. Throwing rocks may
not be the answer today, but fucking black tie dinners aren't a big
help either.
Find the stone wall inside yourself, and shatter it to pieces. Take a
good look at everything the gay community has earned and how close we
are to losing all that so many of us have died for. Stop asking
yourself what you can do to make some generic Joe Sixpack Bigot stop
hating you. Stop hating yourself. Work together. We've already made
tremendous progress. There was a time when many straight people, even
progressives, would not work with the gay community. There was a time
when gay men could not deal with lesbians, when gays could not deal
with transvestites, and on and on. That's changed dramatically, but
it's only a start. We need to heal ourselves and we need to work
together to help change America. We can't just stay quiet and wait for
any political party to help us. We have to make politicians support us,
if we can, because otherwise they will vote against us and blame us for
their failures time and time again.
Most of all please remember the many gay men and women, and our
straight allies, who have died since Stonewall. We have lost so many
voices and faces and lives, and I think that's another reason the gay
community has no real leader. Hopefully someday that will change, if we
make it change.
OK, lecture over. Have a nice night.